EMPATHY

I empathize with obese teens especially girls when i see them with their friends in Sunday School. I've been obese my whole life and i know the kind of acceptance this world has for our species. The daily dose of verbal harassment and abuse we get from acquaintances, random strangers and even from kids younger than us who would mercilessly call us names while their parents just laughed it off without a word of admonition - are all adequate factors that could send a person into depression. We are often overdosed with verbal abuse yet we need to accept it as a part of life. Every where we go, people of this Earth tends to have similar ideologies about obese people and how to abuse them. Every family get together has a distant adult cousin or an aunt who goes..."how will you get a good husband in this condition?" or a very self-proclaimed- caring aunt who goes " do this, do that..my friend knows a friend whose kid was overweight but she gave this and that and now shes very beautiful". Oh My Flabs!!!!
 As a child, like all other girl child, becoming a princess was a recurring dream both day and night, but never in the obese physical state. The faces of those princesses may have ours but with beautiful bodies that the normal world accepts. Puberty hits us the same way it does a normal teen - getting attracted to cute boys, watching friends getting asked out by their crushes and wishing silently that a similar fairy might work such magic on us.But reality bit us hard- we needed to stay steer clear away from those crushes and suppress the attraction as top secret as it could be, in order to avoid further humiliation and hatred from the heroes of our lives. Love, of any kind was already painful from the start!!! Post teenage life, one becomes convinced that the path of romance is one big hurdle. Men don't turn heads over the sight of obese ladies crossing roads. Designers are not interested in getting an obese woman for a muse. What is to become of an obese person??

Well, there is another thing called wit, brains,intellect, good heart and smart personalities that obese person can possess. What we lack in figures we can make it up with our wit, and personality. Its no use to be depressed over a relative or a stranger who calls us fat, lardy or the likes. We need to get a good education, or be so well established that the same person who has called us names, would have to kiss our feet and ask for a favour. As for a husband or a partner or a soulmate...whoever has eyes to see our inner beauty and care enough to know us better gets to be the luckiest person on Earth.
The world may see us as abnormal, outcasts and not trendy, but the world itself is round and never a stick-like shape....so figure.......

My Grandma....

She was petite, a nurse by profession,an excellent home maker and a strict parent.She had taught me how to pray right from the time she'd found me capable. She knew exactly when to teach me a more complicated one and the process went on until i had to pray on my own will and wishes.

Phone calls to her always started with "Have u been praying?" and ended with "Dont worry because I am always praying for you".She would boil eggs for me and my siblings whenever we needed to go out of station.She'd pluck the biggest orange from the once fruitful orange tree in our backyard: and she would keep it hidden in the rice canister until i came home from school so that none of my siblings or my kin eat it before i do. I was her favourite and she was mine!!

People talk of how she had fed me with milk and curd, fresh from the farm my Gramps once had; which is why i ended up obese. Her motto was "Eat well to work well and work to eat". She was an excellent cook so whatever she throws in the wok, came out amazingly lip smacking-yeh dil maange more- recipies.

She used to make the best "Bai". I still remember my aunt Muanpuii had taken her "Iskut bai" to her office and her colleague questioned her as to how it turned out pretty milky. My aunt told her colleague to add milk!!!

As you lay dying

on that bed, flowers surround.,

will your friends come crying

hug you in tears

call your name and swear they'll remember you?

will they think of how

u would always make them laugh

will they remember you as the treasure they have found?

will they think it to be a loss, a hole in their life? 

will their tears dry up

as they leave the room instead?

will your loved ones wail for you,

long for your one last glance

will they remember your smiles your laughter and your words

will they give their arms for that one final goodbye?

will the pastor stand and acknowledge you

will the choir sing to respect you

will the congregation be reminded of how beautiful your life was?

will there be any sighs when they think of how you touched their lives?

Will it be just another usual day

will people flock to feel the usual sympathy?

will prayers be said the usual way

will it be just another gloomy day, the day u were to go away?

And as you lay asleep, stoned and silent.,

Will you be watching from above

All the circus thats happening down below,

the cries, the longing

Will you be up in Heaven's rest, the Lord's love abinding

Or will you scream from hells under

repenting yet all in vain

will you be shouting words of pain, fumes and boiling gases?

and yet nothing to stop your screams

Will you be brought to Glory or to Doom

my friend its none but for you to choose

there lies in you the choice to make

this life and now is the time!!

bits...

 Okay!!!! this is what i did tonight, goofing around during the recess of an entertaining skit that one of my friends in the KTP put together. I was one of the 3 "in-charges" but i have to fill in for one of the gals we had appointed. Dayeemmm!!i thought i'd be free this year but looks like the yolks on me again!!

                                              Me and my friends have to do a bollywood number to its hilarious most possible, Henry Varte being our coreographer. It turned out we were pretty interested and contributed all sorts of unimaginably hideous moves. Gosh!! i laughed so hard during practice that i forgot the direction in which i have to run, hence my party messed up in front of the entire cast of the grand Christmas play!! I ended up getting all sorts of reminders not to mess up in the real show!
                                             By the way, we are only 3 weeks away until Christmas..YAAAY!!! This year has been good so far (all thanks to GOD). I got introduced to the world of Blogging...got myself a cute little office all of my own, then got a job in the govt sector....i got to visit Chawngte L and Pailapool, two places that i never knew existed...and a lot more blessings to count.God has been good to me and my family.
                                            Last year i lost my favourite person, my mentor and my spiritual guide and counsellor-My Grandma, and i miss her terribly. At the time i had thought my world was crashing down because i was preparing for a job in the PWD, when my granny fell ill and was hospitalised.I had to nurse her day and night coz there wasnt anybody else who was free. Sister no 1 had her univ exams, sister no 2 was in the hostel, sister no 3 had her entrance exams and my 1 and only brother hadnt even had a driving licence yet!!..I had prayed to God to let my granny live at least until i finish my exams but she passed away in the morning hours of the day i was to sit for the exam!!
                                              God's way is really strange when you really think about it!! Though i had cursed myself for being such a looser, but how my life turned out this year is what perplexes me and got me thinking of nothing else but the song ...........
"But His way is God's way...
Not Yours or Mine
Isnt it Great
When he's four days late
He's still on time???""

nosey situation

                         The other day the power went off just as i was about to listen to Christmas songs and do the long - due dusting in my office...Drats!!i was thinking of wiping the floor as well and working without music is like an engine without oil...it just doesnt flow ......(what a metaphor!!) Disgruntled, i slumped on my sofa and stared at the ceiling for a while..The staring was soon boring and tiresome...(strained the neck actually..). I glanced down at my phone and decided to keep myself busy texting. I guess everyone was busy because none replied within the next 30 mins.
                        So, i clicked on the camera, and started taking pictures of myself from various angles...
I also discovered the ugly truth about my nose....My nose has always been big but i never really paid much attention to it nor be in any way intimidated because of this feature.I guess it runs in the family because both my paternal and maternal grandpas have huge noses,and i inherit that particular trait on the double...
The dissapointing factor is that my nose is as wide as my lips!!!!booo hoooo hoooo hoooo hoooo
Here's what i am talking about.......

You dont need a measuring scale for sure!!


So i started thinking if i have ever been laughed at or mocked at because of my nose and i couldn't seem to recollect any instance whatsoever!many a times people mock me for being fat but my nose has never been ridiculed.
I remembered the song we used to sing in school"why complain...."


Therefore, i went on clicking more ...and more mug shots of myself in the quiet office room...
 Itried with a side shot....but the nose is still so big!

so i thought..what if i could cover my nose and never show it in other snaps??
I would always look like this...kinda awkward!!

 oh well!!!winking might help..if it doesn't- then i always have plastic surgery to count on...!!!!

childhood affairs....

                                    Weddings are such delightful events that nobody want to miss out on..As a child i was always so fascinated by weddings and brides. Whenever there was a rumor about a girl getting married in our locality, i'd wish to be invited to be a flower-girl..I'd start dreaming about the dress i would wear, and secretly start to collect candy wrappers for confetti...(We used to collect the wrappers from roadsides, gutters and sometimes even buy lots of candies ,just so we could make confetti out of them)

                                    The fun part is, I was never alone in my wishful thinking ..my cousin sisters were always up and about, and we would take a plastic bag-the green/blue floral ones from Burma...(typical polythene) and roam around our street in search of anything shiny and silvery- the more the glitter, the better.

                                     We would then cut with scissors, into the most minutest of pieces we could achieve.These fruits of strenuous manual cutting would then be mixed with the small confetti that they sell in the market. We were equally excited to make the baskets to put them in. Sometimes, the bride's or groom's family would make them for us, some decorated with laces, some out of coloured paper, some box-like and some conical..Cones were for tots and box-like ones were for the older children-that was the rule!! No negotiation entertained!! The closest of kin to either the groom or the bride would be the leader among the flower girls and all would suck up to her!! She would ultimately be the real flower girl- the one to hand over the bouquet to the bride, and none had the rights to complain.

                                        I still remember the time when my aunt was to be married to a guy from Chaltlang. The prestigious opportunity was upon me to decide who would be the flower girls from our side. I had a major "buttering" session from my pals. Some would come up to me and ask if they could be included. And I, fully aware of my chance to be high and mighty...would decline saying they were not related to us in any way...Poor girls and so mean of me to be so bossy!!

                                        I guess this childhood fascination still hasn't left this head of mine. The fact that I always try to attend a friend's wedding,or browse for wedding gowns in the web, and take second glances everytime i pass by Bridal boutiques are all tell tale signs that i still am a die hard fan of weddings and wedding thingys...LOL

                                                  

CAD Ztt..

                          This entry is dedicated to Zothantluanga (Ztta) who passed away on the 18th of September,2010..

                          I met him when i'd joined Bial Zaipawl in 2009.  He sang Tenor and i, Contralto. He used to sit behind me at practices.He was quiet, funny at the same time and a talented musician. He played the guitar & keyboard with ease and was always one of the song leaders in many of the KTP functions....

2009 passed with not much of a communication between us except for the usual hi and bye..But fate got us closer this year when we, the BZP had to go to Chawngte L . The trip brought the members of the choir closer than ever before. The guys still meet after church services almost every night for chit chat and to sing together. They're more like brothers than friends.

                         Onward and backward journeys to and from Chawngte L, Tta had the guitar to himself, playing all the requested songs as we bleated our lungs out in the bus.  I believe he had not, for  a single moment, been relieved off the task of strumming the chords.Yet he was the most enthusiastic of the lot.

                           Ztta was well versed with the tonic solfa and was blessed with a good voice.But he never showed off in any manner whatsoever. I remember the time when he would softly hum the song we were practicing - to guide us- those who were singing contralto.We just couldnt hit the right note by ourselves and the other members were constantly complaining about it. He was our knight in shining armour that night. 

                          He never complained about anything at all. I often told him about my problems and he would always promise to pray for me.

                          Shortly after we returned home from Chawngte he began having fever. He had gone to Durtlang Hospital on the 18th of September for a check up, where they had discovered he had jaundice and was admitted to the hospi immediately.But his antibodies could no longer withstand his illness and he died the same evening.

                          We miss him terribly and his memories will forever remain in our hearts. I cant still get over the fact that hundreds of people in and around his locality, Tlangnuam flocked to pay their last respects to this insignificant quiet lad and how everyone's eyes was red with tears, from the smallest kid to the older ladies who used to teach him in the same sunday school where he had taught many.

                     At his funeral service,We bade him farewell with one of the songs we had practised together in the choir, but all of us couldnt sing ,with tears welling up in our eyes and the lifeless body beside us.The guys especially wept throughout the entire song!!! His place was there among the tenors yet he was laid in the coffin.He wasnt there in body but we know, he was there in spirit singing "Ka Kir leh dawn, ka Lalpa hnenah...." to HIM whom he had served with gladness in his heart!!